Tuesday, April 27, 2010

47 + 24 = paranoid delusions/humor

Last night, my husband and I were watching 24. During the show I went low, and fast. I tested and was 47. All was going fine up until I started getting confused by my low blood sugar, and somehow I thought that I was mixed up in 24, and that the [not] very important proposal that I had been working on at work that day was somehow going to get Jack in trouble with the President of the United States and CTU. Dead serious. Convinced I was going to impact the plot of 24 with my incredibly routine work product. It took about 10 minutes of extremely patient explaining by my wonderful husband, and carb loading on my end to bring my sugar up before I realized that alas, Jack could care less about me or my proposal.

I have only had paranoid delusions one other time due to blood sugar issues (oh, to be at senior week again, drinking grain alcohol daiquiris from the Frosty Frog), but both times I was absolutely certain that I was somehow involved in a massive government conspiracy. The one at senior week involved aliens and me thinking that if I got off the top bunk something terrible would happen. My poor yet understanding friends couldn't get me down for like 15 minutes!

Not sure if anyone else has experienced these, but I think the delusions are God’s way of making diabetes funny—I mean come on, both scenarios were hysterical looking back at them. I appreciate the humor in those situations, even though ultimately they could have ended badly, but what else can you do but laugh?

24 will never be the same. Jack better watch out—you never know what kind of stealth marketing materials I’ll be working on next week!

(Wow, I just linked to the Frosty Frog and in checking out their website forgot that they sold the daiquiris in oh so convenient "gallons to go" quantities--yikes, no wonder, maybe I wasn't the only one seeing aliens that day!)

Monday, April 26, 2010

all work, no play

Last week I had the opportunity to hear Cheryl Alkon speak about her new book, Balancing Pregnancy with Pre-existing Diabetes. The event was organized by ACT1, a great organization here in NYC that supports adults with type 1. In so many ways, it was a wonderful, eye opening and reassuring event for me to attend. Not only did Cheryl share her story, but there were many other type 1 mommies in the room who were kind enough to share their experiences as well. I’ve never personally known a woman with type 1 who has been through pregnancy, so to hear all of them talk about their experiences was really empowering—after all, these were real live women who had lived thought it and been blessed with healthy children.

While I left the event feeling more convinced than ever that I am prepared and can handle this journey, I had asked a question, well, several questions, but one of the answers really stuck with me. I’ve done a lot of research on what my diabetic pregnancy will be like, and I’m aware of all the work that will go into it, but what I wanted to know was whether any of these women were able to remove themselves from all of the checking, the tests, the doctors appointments, and the meal planning long enough to ever just enjoy being pregnant. To enjoy thinking about the life that they were creating, and the adventure they were about to begin. So often you read about pregnancy being a magical time for women, and I wanted to know if diabetic mothers were ever able to take time to just enjoy the ride.

Cheryl thought for a moment after I asked my question, and basically said, a short and simple “not really.” The other women in the group agreed and shared that it was all just way too much work to really be able to enjoy it (although they all unanimously agreed that it was well worth it in the end!). Many of the women shared that during their pregnancies, they tested 12 times a day (which if you think about it is every two hours—more like every hour if you cut out some time for sleep). They talked about going to the myriad doctors appointments that were necessary and subjecting themselves to the many tests that are performed throughout the pregnancy to make sure mom and baby are both progressing as planned (my jaw dropped when they talked about the 24 hour urine test and schlepping a bucket of urine on the subway—I’ll be in a cab that day, thank you very much). One woman I spoke to after the event even said that if she could have, she would have quit her job during the pregnancy because it is like having two full time jobs.

I wasn’t necessarily surprised to hear all the stories about the difficulties and challenges of the pregnancy, but I was a bit surprised that there was such a unanimous response to my question. I hope that even if it’s only for a few minutes here and there, I can enjoy my pregnancy (so to my friends/family who are reading this, you may have to remind me to do so!).  I know I’m in for a lot of work, and I certainly know that it will all pay off, but I hope too that I can step back from all of it long enough, even if for only an hour in between tests, to enjoy the miracle that will be growing inside of me.

By the way, I haven’t read Cheryl’s book yet, but can’t wait to get through it. I’ve heard great things and some of the excerpts that she read last week were great!

Sunday, April 18, 2010

Exercise - Plan B

So Plan A didn't work.  I think the problem is, is that I hate the gym.  No, I detest the gym.  Just the thought of going makes me want to run mosey in the other direction.  This time before TTC is all about trying to get as healthy as possible, and like it or not, that includes exercise so I need a new plan.

In coming up with a plan I need to answer a few questions honestly: 1) What will I actually do as a part of a consistent routine? 2) When can I realistically make time for 60 minutes of activity? 3) What can I keep up in the long term, not just over the next few months?

One of the things I really love is walking.  I love walking in NYC because there is so much to see (the stories you can make up in your head about the people going about their day in NYC is better than any TV show or gossip magazine).  Last year when I was successful at weight loss, I was walking home from work (2.5 miles) at least 3 nights a week.  But this year I have to work later, so when I leave work, I just want to get home to relax, spend time with my husband and try to not eat too late.  I also don't go directly home from work every night, so any time I have plans after work, the walk goes out the window.

So, I am going to revise Plan A, which involved going to the gym before work and instead, I'm going to walk to work in the morning.  It only adds 30 minutes to my commute, and I can easily fit that in the morning, with no unexpected or last minute plans that get in the way.  If I can do that 4 or 5 mornings a week, I think that would go a long way to help with my weight loss, and hopefully eventually weight management.

Let's see if this one works... I'd love to hear what other mommies are doing too, especially once the kiddies have arrived!

Thursday, April 15, 2010

Blackjack and blood sugar

On my recent trip to Vegas, I realized that in addition to going broke, another hazard of playing blackjack is poor blood sugar control. I know a lot of people don’t understand how difficult is to try to control blood sugar, and they think that as long as I don’t eat candy and if I keep taking my insulin, I should be fine. But, it’s the nuances of maintaining good blood sugar control that irk me the most, because even when you’re checking a ton and counting carbs and taking insulin, there’s no guarantee that your numbers will be good.

So the first day in Vegas, we did my favorite thing—we went to the pool, and relaxed. We had lunch and some drinks, which I bolused for, and I kept checking through the day. I was happy because my numbers were pretty good. Then we went to dinner at SW (highly recommend!), and again I kept checking and bolused for dinner. It was smooth sailing and I was proud of myself for staying under such tight control, even in Vegas!

Then, we hit my new favorite place—the blackjack table. I was learning the ropes and then started to really get into it. I started to get pretty thirsty and kept ordering drinks from the cocktail waitress (come on, they’re free!) and I finally realized I should probably check my BS. Well, check I did, and I found out I was 308! 308!? I couldn’t figure out what had caused it, until I realized it must have been the adrenaline from gambling. There was no way for me to guess that that would happen, and no way to plan for it, which annoys me to no end. But, if having fun means erratic numbers every once in a while, I’ll take the hit! :)

Wednesday, April 14, 2010

Happy Anniversary!

Three years ago today, I made the best decision of my life—I married my husband! He’s been a wonderful husband in every way possible, and I am so lucky to have him in my life everyday. It’s been fun too, starting to think of him as a dad, and not just a husband. I know he’s going to be such a great dad to Baby B.—he already reminds me every morning to take my “baby pills” (his term of endearment for my prenatal vitamins)!

Our first three years have been so fun, full of exciting new things, and of course some hard times too, but I wouldn’t give any of it up for anything in the world.

I can only imagine what the next three years will bring, hopefully a healthy and happy family!

Tuesday, April 13, 2010


These past several weeks, I've been seeking out every source I can possibly find on Type 1 Diabetes and pregnancy, trying to soak up as much information as I can. But I'm realizing that I what I’m looking for is not necessarily all the details of the pregnancy process; what I’m looking for is an iron-clad, binding document that says, Annie's pregnancy is going be fine and the baby will be 100% healthy-guaranteed.

While I'm beyond thrilled each time I read about a healthy baby being delivered to a type 1 mom with relatively few complications, in all honesty, I just keep hoping that something I read will tell me that a healthy pregnancy is not just possible, but that it is guaranteed. I know that's ridiculous, and that even without diabetes, there are plenty of things that can go wrong. I just want some kind of a sign that everything is going to be OK. I know that sign isn't out there, because there is no guarantee, and even if I do everything right, there is still a chance that something could go wrong.

So for now, I’m going to take my great A1C and my hard work as the signs pointing me toward a healthy pregnancy, and will keep doing everything I can on my end to set myself and my baby up for the best possible outcome.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Vegas, baby!

I got back last night from a fabulous trip to Vegas with some of my best friends, and it was such a great trip! We had a blast, and I was so glad to spend a memorable weekend with such good friends. Going into the weekend, I knew it that it would likely be my last girls weekend sans baby, and I wondered if it would make me think twice about our decision to start TTC soon.

But even in Vegas, I wanted so badly to be a mom. I still had a great time, and really cherished the time with my friends—I even had fun at a club and stayed out until 5am which I not like me—but I could feel at the very core of my being that I was ready to say goodbye to being free of responsibility. Free to take off to Vegas on a whim. Free to do exactly what I want, exactly how and when I want to do it.

Even though I know that weekends like this past one will be few and far between once I become pregnant, I still couldn’t be more excited to have a baby with my husband. I was so thankful for this trip, not only because I got to getaway with my friends on an unforgettable trip, but also because it confirmed everything that I was feeling about becoming a mom.

Now, Vegas, baby has a whole new meaning!

Friday, April 2, 2010

new endo, new attitude...

What a difference a day makes!  I went to the new endo today and loved the center and the doctor--I especially loved that according to their machine, my A1C was 6.0!!  They were very impressed with all my tracking, even though the numbers in my logs aren't always perfect, and said that if I keep it up, I can definitely have a healthy pregnancy soon!

They said I can go off of birth control, and that as long as my A1C is in the same range in three months, we can start TTC!  I still have some work to do on my numbers, especially my morning numbers, but it was nice to hear a doctor for once tell me that I am doing things right.

So, off to the pharmacy I go tonight to get my prenatal vitamin Rx filled!! As down as I was yesterday, I am walking in the clouds today.

Thursday, April 1, 2010

New endo tomorrow...

Tomorrow I'm going to a new endo, at a diabetes center that is supposed to be wonderful.  Even though the high risk OB already gave us the green light to start TTC in a few months, I still feel like it's not for real until I hear it from this new doc.  Endo appointments fill me with fear and always have.  Even though my A1C is pretty damn good if I do say so myself (it was 6.3 yesterday!), I still don't feel like I am under good control.  As a diabetic, you can do 50 things a day that are "right" but still end up with bad numbers, and I'm stuck in this pattern of having great numbers for 90% of the day, but terrible numbers the other 10%.

For instance, I've been going really high overnight lately (even though the basal test I did says my basals are actually making me go lower--go figure!), so last night I gave myself a ridiculously large bolus for what I ate.  I then went low, scary low.  I fell asleep and woke up and felt so disoriented that I couldn't figure out who I was, where I was, or what was going on.  I was scared.  I finally realized what was going on, and that I needed to get something to eat asap.  So I did, but the rest of the night I had a horrendous headache, I think from being so low for who knows how long since I had fallen asleep.  I treated the low with a conservative amount of soda because I didn't want to end up high later on.  Unfortunately, it just made me hover around the 60's range and prolonged my headache.  So I finally gave in and drank another soda, and I eventually came up into a normal range, but still had a horrendous headache (I even asked my husband if he thought it was possible that I had brain damage from my low because my head hurt so much--in retrospect, that was a pretty absurd question!).  So I went to bed, thinking tomorrow would be better.  Until of course, I woke up at 6am with a reading of 365.  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  I was tired, feeling run down, and mostly just felt defeated.  

Maybe it's because of my night last night that I'm feeling so negative about going to the doctor tomorrow, but I just can't help but feel that I'm going to leave his office tomorrow upset about what he says.  It's too bad, because I've been working really hard on my numbers that past few months, but all I can think about are all the highs I still have, and how they could someday bring harm to my child.  I hope tomorrow gives me some encouragement, and that I can get a good night's sleep tonight!