New endo tomorrow...

Tomorrow I'm going to a new endo, at a diabetes center that is supposed to be wonderful.  Even though the high risk OB already gave us the green light to start TTC in a few months, I still feel like it's not for real until I hear it from this new doc.  Endo appointments fill me with fear and always have.  Even though my A1C is pretty damn good if I do say so myself (it was 6.3 yesterday!), I still don't feel like I am under good control.  As a diabetic, you can do 50 things a day that are "right" but still end up with bad numbers, and I'm stuck in this pattern of having great numbers for 90% of the day, but terrible numbers the other 10%.

For instance, I've been going really high overnight lately (even though the basal test I did says my basals are actually making me go lower--go figure!), so last night I gave myself a ridiculously large bolus for what I ate.  I then went low, scary low.  I fell asleep and woke up and felt so disoriented that I couldn't figure out who I was, where I was, or what was going on.  I was scared.  I finally realized what was going on, and that I needed to get something to eat asap.  So I did, but the rest of the night I had a horrendous headache, I think from being so low for who knows how long since I had fallen asleep.  I treated the low with a conservative amount of soda because I didn't want to end up high later on.  Unfortunately, it just made me hover around the 60's range and prolonged my headache.  So I finally gave in and drank another soda, and I eventually came up into a normal range, but still had a horrendous headache (I even asked my husband if he thought it was possible that I had brain damage from my low because my head hurt so much--in retrospect, that was a pretty absurd question!).  So I went to bed, thinking tomorrow would be better.  Until of course, I woke up at 6am with a reading of 365.  HOW DID THAT HAPPEN?  I was tired, feeling run down, and mostly just felt defeated.  

Maybe it's because of my night last night that I'm feeling so negative about going to the doctor tomorrow, but I just can't help but feel that I'm going to leave his office tomorrow upset about what he says.  It's too bad, because I've been working really hard on my numbers that past few months, but all I can think about are all the highs I still have, and how they could someday bring harm to my child.  I hope tomorrow gives me some encouragement, and that I can get a good night's sleep tonight!