Thinking positive thoughts...

First, I want to say thank you to everyone who left such sweet notes of congratulations on my last post.  I  truly appreciate all of your kind works!

I've been avoiding writing since then because after our initial excitement, we got a little bit of scary, although not necessarily bad, news.  We went for the first ultrasound last week and all they saw was an empty gestational sac.  Since by my calculations I thought I was 6.5 weeks at the time, this was an upsetting image to see.  We thought by this time we might have had a shot at seeing the heartbeat.  The doctor explained that I could very likely just be earlier than I thought, which would explain why my HCG levels were also low when first tested, although there is a chance that the reason we only saw the gestation sac could be because the pregnancy may not be viable.  Luckily, my HCG number continues to rise, so that is a good sign!  But, the first time I explained what happened out loud to my dad, I couldn't help but cry.  It was hard to talk about it out loud to anyone, and that night when my husband got home from work, I melted into a puddle of helpless tears.

I will go back late next week for another ultrasound, so until then, all we can do it wait, and think positive thoughts.  My husband and I have such wonderful family and close friends who are all praying and thinking positively, so Baby B. has a lot of people pulling for him/her!

It's been an emotional roller coaster since the ultrasound.  At first, I was so teary and couldn't think about anything else.  We were so lucky to get pregnant so quickly, that I suppose a little waiting won't kill us--although I must say, I'm not sure I've ever felt such insatiable stress in my life.  I already love this baby so much, that it's devastating to imagine what it will mean if the pregnancy isn't viable. I hope and pray that I won't need to go down that path, and for now, I am just trying to take care of myself as best I can.

During this horrible wait, I must say that the online community has been such a valuable tool.  Sites like Diabetic Mommy, The Bump and Baby Center are all full of other women who are always willing to share their stories and advice.  I cling to every story I hear of women who have been through similar situations and turned out to have healthy pregnancies (I also value the non-success stories because they help me manage my expectations, even though they are difficult to read). It makes me feel very lucky to be going through this pregnancy at a time when there is so much information available almost instantaneously, and the women on these sites have helped me to have a much more positive outlook this week!

So fingers crossed, everyone, and I'll be sure to keep you updated!