Fetal echo cardiogram and 22 week checkup

I recently had my first of two fetal echo cardiograms, and also my 22 week checkup (I think most people do this at 20 weeks, but mine just happened to be on 22). The fetal echo cardiogram was a one hour peek at Baby B’s heart via ultrasound to make sure the blood is pumping and everything is functioning correctly. The results are in, and everything looked great, at least as far as they could tell since Baby B again wasn’t very cooperative in being in the right position for a great look (noticing a pattern?). It was a very peaceful test as I got to sit in a dark room with soothing music while the cardiologist looked at the heart on her own monitor. They didn’t have a screen for me to see, so it was an hour of pure relaxation.

I couldn’t get over, however, that the cardiologist (who I assume is pretty smart and well trained), asked me if I take insulin after I told her I have type 1. In disbelief I said yes, and then she asked me if I had been taking insulin before I got pregnant. I couldn’t understand how this medical professional, a cardiologist, no less, didn’t get that as a type 1 diabetic, I need insulin. Those kinds of questions irk me to no end! But, other than that, she was nice and gave me a good report, so besides her obvious ignorance about diabetes, the test went well overall.

I also had my 22 week checkup. They baby’s heart was beating at 155 beats per minute and everything seems like it’s progressing as it should. My weight gain is now right on target since the last checkup, but my OB told me that I should now try to gain ½ a pound a week, which is making me nervous. I’m concerned that I’m going to gain a lot more than that, and I haven’t been doing much to stop that from happening now that I can eat again. So, I really need to start eating better to make sure my weight gain doesn’t accelerate too quickly.

In other news, I sadly need to do a 24 hour urine test, which is basically collecting urine over a 24 hour period of time to make sure the pregnancy isn’t putting too much stress on my kidneys. I was hoping to avoid this one, but no such luck. I am so NOT looking forward to that one, but luckily you can do it on a Sunday. So, I guess two Sundays from now when I do the test I’ll be stuck in the apartment! I am certainly not going out lugging my “collection vessel” around.

Overall, my blood sugar is still trending a little higher than I like, but nothing to be upset about. I’m still increasing my basals to keep up with the higher numbers. I’m feeling great, otherwise, and am enjoying the second trimester.

Also on my list for the next few weeks is registering for gifts. There is so much out there, I hardly know where to begin, so if any of your moms have suggestions, let me know!

D-Blog Day (a day late)

So I’m a day late, but I’m taking part of my first diabetes community post for D-blog Day. D-blog Day was started on November 9th 2005 during Diabetes Awareness Month, to help unite diabetes bloggers and create awareness about diabetes.

This year, the prompt is: what are 6 things you wish people knew about diabetes? So, here are my 6, although I think I ended up writing about what are 6 things I wish people knew about me and my diabetes rather than diabetes in general.  Oh well!:

1. Diabetes is not as easy as it looks. I am one to talk about my diabetes in my everyday life with friends and co-workers as it comes up (a low blood sugar here, a low pump reservoir there), but I am not one to complain about it, or to really discuss how much it takes out of me, both physically and emotionally. I don’t often stop to think about how demanding this disease is, and as a result, I don’t think the others in my life really do either. It’s not just the testing, or the bolusing, or the ordering of supplies, or the carb counting, or the side effects of low and high blood sugars that get to me. It’s the combination of all of it, and the fact that no matter what else is going on in my life, I can’t forget about my diabetes—ever. Diabetes is a constant nagging, and I have a “dia”-log that runs through my head all day, every day: Woke up low this morning, need to grab a juice box before getting in the shower. Need to test again before getting on the subway. Need to grab something for breakfast when I get to work so I don’t bottom out again. Need to test before eating breakfast. Need to count the carbs in my breakfast. Need to bolus for the carbs. Need to test again two hours later. And by then it’s only 9:30am! I sometimes think that because I take fairly good care of myself, people don’t think diabetes is that serious, or that hard to take care of. Even though I am able to be under good control, not a day goes by that I don’t wish for a cure that will take this harassing disease away from me.
2. Diabetes terrifies me. I suppose this is linked to #1, but one thing I really never share is how terrifying the long term effects of diabetes are to me. I myself rarely think of the long term effects, because honestly, I can’t bear to face them. I don’t want to imagine myself without eye site, or kidney function, or even without one of my limbs. Right now I feel like a healthy person, and except for my diabetes, I am pretty healthy, so having to face the fact that diabetes may eventually take a more pronounced toll on my body is scary.
3. There is a difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. I know this topic has been discussed ad-nauseam on various blogs and sites, but all the time I run into people who just don’t get the different between type 1 and type 2, and it’s irritating. Just the other day, I had a cardiologist ask me, after I told her I am a type 1, whether or not I was taking insulin before I got pregnant. Questions like this make my blood boil, and I wish people, especially those in the medical profession would learn more about the difference between T1 and T2. I often feel embarrassed when I tell people I have diabetes, because I know that more often than not, they think it’s may fault or that I could get rid of it if ate better/exercised more/lost weight. I wish I could tell people I had diabetes without the sense of shame that I sometimes feel.
4. Even though I look OK, I often don’t feel well. From day to day, I look like a healthy person. You wouldn’t know I have diabetes to look at me. But, I am often battling symptoms that no one knows I am dealing with. I will sometimes be high, and feel horrible, but I can’t go home from work or take a break every time I go above 200. Or, I might be low, but demands of the day don’t allow me to take a 15 minute time out like I might want to. Or, I might be exhausted because I was up all night fighting a high or low blood sugar. Most days, at one time or another, I am fighting the symptoms of some kind of blood sugar abnormality, but I don’t/can’t stop my life for it, and I usually don’t even tell those around me what I am dealing with because if I were to complain every time this happened, people would get sick of it real fast!
5. Yes I can eat that—or—yes, I could eat that, but I don’t want to. Telling people I have diabetes is sometimes interpreted as an invitation for people to tell me how to eat. I had a pharmacist once tell me that I CAN NOT have glucose tabs because I’m a diabetic and sugar is bad for me. I’ve also had many people give me a hard time for passing on some of the sweeter treats in life from time to time. People don’t get it. I know what I can/should/shouldn’t eat, and those things aren’t always the same from day to day. I may be OK with eating ice cream one day, but if I don’t feel like wasting the last few units of insulin in my pump another day on something sweet, just let it go, and don’t make me feel like a party pooper because I pass on something from time to time.
6. I don’t care to hear about your mother/grandmother/second cousin who died/had an amputation/is on dialysis from diabetes. Again, when people find out I have diabetes, it’s like they feel compelled to tell me to take care of myself because they know someone who died a horrible death or suffered major complications from diabetes. I am sorry for that person’s struggle, and for the suffering that comes with it, but I really don’t want to hear about that. I know the odds that I’m up against, and it is hard enough living with this disease without being reminded of the doomsday scenarios that are possible.

Officially over the hump!

I'm 21 weeks as of yesterday, which officially means I'm more than half way through this pregnancy.  In some ways, it feels like its been eons since I first saw the word "pregnant" pop up on my digital home pregnancy test, and in other ways, I feel like it just happened this morning.  Although I've been through a lot already during this pregnancy, I still feel that hasn't been as intensive as I thought it would be (yet!). 

Although changes have definitely been taking place in and on my body, I still sometimes don't feel pregnant.  It's hard to explain, but I still feel like me, and sometimes I do forget that I'm growing another human being inside of me. I have, however, become much more relaxed about life in general since getting pregnant, which is the complete opposite of what I thought would happen.  But, nothing in the world seems that important right now, other than my health and the health of my child.

This week I started to put on my very first few pregnancy pounds.  It's taken me a while to put on weight since I lost weight from being so sick the first trimester, but I'm afraid they're going to pile on quickly, so I need to be careful and focus on eating better now that my stomach is (mostly) cooperating again.  I must admit, it's a bit unnerving to look at the scale going up and to think that's a good thing when I've fought my weight for most of my teenage/adult life, but I know that's what is supposed to happen.

I'm still waiting for Baby B to give me a good swift kick, but I do think I am starting to feel the baby rummage around in there.  Sometimes my stomach gets hard, which I've been told are Braxton Hicks contractions, and it's incredible to think that my body is reacting to the other person I'm carrying.  We know that Baby B can hear us now, and I laugh hysterically every time my husband talks to the baby, because he's convinced he needs to scream in order to get through my stomach and into the baby's ears.

In terms of diabetes, my numbers have calmed down a bit since I raised my basals last week.  I'm still seeing some more highs than I like, but it's much better than it was.  I'm already getting nervous for my next A1C in December, but I'm doing the best I can.

On the pregnancy itinerary for this week is a fetal echo cardiogram where they'll get an up and close and personal view of Baby B's heart to make sure everything is in working order.  I'm just excited that it means we'll get to see the baby again!

And most importantly, today is my husband's birthday, so I'm very much looking forward to a great bday dinner with him - his last one as a non-parent!

On the rise

Well, I think my days of picture perfect log books are going out the window. My numbers have been creeping up slightly over the past two weeks or so, but the past two days I feel like I’ve seen more 200’s than I have in the past four months combined. This is very difficult to see, and although I get them down right away, they seem to go right back up. It feels like I’m playing that carnival game where the little mole pops up, then you hit it with the hammer, and another one pops up.

I sent my logs to my diabetes educator today and she’s out of the office, but I’ve raised my basals over the weekend until I can talk to her on Monday. I hate the highs more than anything. I’d much rather be low, which I know is also not good for me, but I feel like it’s better for the baby. Hopefully I can find a happy medium, because this dazed feeling I’ve had yesterday and today is not going to cut it. I hate being high for what it does to me, but it terrifies me to think what effect it’s having on the baby. I know it’s my overall control that matters most, and not the bad day here or there, but it’s just scary to think that what’s going on in my body influences the overall health of my child.

Ok, mini panic attack over. I’ve done what I can to correct it for now, and will keep working on it in the coming weeks. I really enjoyed the calm while it lasted!

It's a...

SURPRISE!!

Luckily, I was able to talk my husband into keeping the baby’s sex a surprise. I know this is hard for him, so I am extremely grateful that he’s going along with my wishes. I don’t know why I feel so strongly that I don’t want to know, but it’s just always something I imagined finding out in the delivery room, and so that’s where we’ll find out.

It is funny how many people feel very strongly that we should be finding out. How will we know what clothes to register for? How will we know what color to paint the nursery (thank you one-bedroom apartment for making that a non-issue)? How will other people be able to buy us the “right” gifts? How will we pick out a name (I’m pretty sure we’ll just pick two instead one). The list of questions goes on and on and yet for some reason, I just don’t want to know.

I completely understand the validity of all these points, and when I have friends or know others who find out the sex of their babies, I genuinely share in their excitement, but it’s just not something I want to get into yet. I want to hear the doctor say whether it’s a boy or girl after the agony of labor. I want my husband to be able to call people from the hospital and say, “It’s a ___!” I want to be able to send birth announcements that announce the gender. I also want to have a gender/due date pool – seriously :)

But mostly, I just want to fully take part in this great surprise with which I’ve been blessed. I know it would be a surprise no matter when we find out, but I want this baby to make its own announcement, rather than an ultrasound tech.

So, as the months wear on and my curiosity grows, I’ll need to come back and read this to remind myself what I want. At my last ultrasound they said I’d have to be careful to tell them at each ultrasound that I don’t want to know since I’ll have so many, especially towards the end. That’s a lot of temptation, but hopefully I’ll make it!

Sweet Child of Ours

With all relatively quiet on the diabetes front of my pregnancy, my mind is happily free to ponder other things. I’ve been so happy lately, finding that this pregnancy has in a strange way made me more relaxed and comfortable in my own body. My co-workers and my close friends think I’m much more calm now that I’m pregnant, and to be honest, I know I am happier and more content in my life.

One of the things that has me so happy lately is how many people are sharing in our joy and excitement about this baby. This is not just my child, and I realize that more and more everyday. I think it’s so sweet when my co-workers call Baby B the “marketing department baby,” and get as excited as I do when I come back from an ultrasound. I love how many of my friends refer to themselves as aunts, and how those in my ACT1 support group always ask how Baby B is doing and tell me that they’re thinking of and praying for us. My mom often tells me that neighbors from my home town ask her all the time how the pregnancy is going, and that teachers and coaches who taught me years ago also stop her to ask how Baby B and I are doing. And of course, the amount of love that my extended family has for this child is sometimes overwhelming.

I do very much believe in the, “it takes a village” approach to raising children, and I am overjoyed that Baby B will have so many villagers welcoming him or her into this world. I feel truly blessed to have so many caring and loving people in my life. Their joy and excitement have made this pregnancy such a fun one so far!

Baby Talk

With only one thing on my mind lately (BABY!), it’s hard to remember that there is life outside of this child. I’m finding it strange sometimes to interact with friends/family/coworkers, because I try to be very conscious of not overdoing it with baby talk, but I often find that others enjoy talking about the baby as much as I do. I’ll try to steer the conversation in a different direction—how is you finace/husband/job/cat—but, inevitably, there have been times when the conversation always seems to come back to the baby. This doesn’t always happen, but sometimes, and it feels like a trap I can’t get out of.

Sometimes when my husband and I come home from being with friends I’ll ask if I talked about the baby too much, and he’ll insist that I barely said anything about it, so who knows (not sure he’s the best judge of character on this one because he LOVES the baby!). But, babies are just plain fun to talk about. I feel very blessed that there are so many people in our life who are genuinely excited for us, and for the baby. It’s funny, because everyone seems to become much nicer when they find out you’re pregnant. I wish I could invent a way to bottle that excited/hopeful/happy feeling that people have when the topic of babies comes up—I think it would be good for the world!