Lucy's Birth Story

Two months later, I’m finally ready to put Lucy’s birth story in writing.  Given all that we had going on in our lives going into the birth, it was such a relief that the moment we had been waiting for had finally arrived.  Actually, it turned out to be the 36 hours that we had been waiting for had finally arrived, but that doesn’t have the same poetic ring to it!  That’s right, ladies and gents, Lucy took her time in getting here, but she was so perfect when she arrived, that it was well worth the wait.

I woke up very early the morning of Friday, March 11^th with what felt like dull cramps that came and went from time to time.  I laid in bed for about two hours, wondering if I was in the beginning stages of labor.  When my husband woke up, I told him I thought my labor was starting, and we spent a while trying to decide whether he should go to work or not.  We had done our homework, and knew that labor, especially a woman’s first labor, can take a long time, and since I wasn’t even sure if I was in labor, I didn’t want him hanging around all day if it was just a false alarm.

I tried my best to rest throughout the day, but as the moments of wonder turned to hours of increasingly more pain, I felt that this was the day I was finally going to have my child in my arms (good thing I didn’t know at the time that I wouldn’t hold her until the next night). 

Now, being the middle of March, March Madness was gearing up, and as it turned out, my alma mater was playing in a game that night that would decide whether or not they would make it into the tournament.  I was supposed to watch the game that night with a bunch of my college friends, so I emailed them mid-day saying I wasn’t sure if I was in labor or not, but that I was still planning on going to the game.  As the game time neared, I was fairly certain that I was in labor, but I had been inside all day and wanted to do something that would help to pass the time, so off I went to the bar—at 9 months pregnant and definitely in labor!

When I got to the bar, I immediately realized this was the worst-idea-ever! I was huge, trying to navigate my way through a crowded bar, and to top it off, the labor pains began to get more intense and closer together.  About 15 minutes after walking into the bar and before my friends even made it, my husband (who had met me at the bar after work) and I went home.

We were timing my contractions, which came really close together, but didn’t last that long.  They were increasing in intensity, and we knew we were approaching the time when we would leave for the hospital.  We called the doctor and they said to try to wait it out at home as long as could, and about two hours later, at 9pm, we started to make our way to the hospital.  My water never broke, and I wasn’t screaming in pain or yelling at my husband like you see in the movies.  I was in pain, but trying my best to breath through it until we arrived at the hospital.

When we got there, they checked us in and a doctor came to check to see how much I was dilated.  When she checked, I was 3cm and definitely having strong contractions.  They admitted me onto the labor and delivery floor and the pain continued to get worse and worse.  I opted to have an epidural around 2am.  For those of you questioning epidurals, IT WAS THE BEST THING EVER!  Soon after they were done, the nurse told me I having a really strong contraction and I couldn’t feel a thing.  I had heard a lot of horror stories about getting the epidural but it really wasn’t bad at all, and I am glad I got one since my labor went on all through the night and into the next evening.  Perhaps the epidural slowed things down, but I am still glad I had one. 

My labor was progressing on its own, just very slowly.  Each time they checked me I was dilated a bit more, but things were taking forever.  Finally, and seemingly out of no where, around 4pm, they told me it was time to push!  I couldn’t believe it.  They had been telling me now for almost 18 hours that it wasn’t time yet, so I just assumed it still wasn’t time.  I remember this moment being sort of anticlimactic.  Again, it was nothing like the movies!  No screaming, no yelling (thank you epidural!).

And so, I pushed.  And pushed.  And pushed.  For about an hour, I pushed, the whole time, just trying to get the baby to turn because at that point they could tell that she wasn’t positioned correctly for a vaginal delivery.  By this time, I was nauseous and throwing up, my epidural was wearing off, I was in a lot of pain, and I was exhausted!  The doctor told me that because the baby wasn’t turning, they felt they should do a c-section.  I had really wanted to avoid having a c-section, but at this point, after almost 18 hours of active labor, I was ready to meet my baby!

I should say that during labor my blood sugar was handled really well.  I had initially wanted to try to keep my pump on, which I did, but as my numbers rose due to my adrenaline pumping, I couldn’t control my numbers myself and the doctors put me on an insulin drip.  Looking back, I wish I would have let them do this from the beginning.  They managed it really well and I didn’t have to worry about it.

Getting ready for the c-section was a whirlwind.  By now I was in severe pain since my epidural had worn off, and thank god they came to numb me up for the c-section.  They wheeled me into the operating room (OR) and got started.  I don’t remember hearing the doctors at all during the procedure (some people talk about hearing, “scalpal!”), but I do remember feeling a lot of pressure.  I repeat, A LOT of pressure.  It felt like they were rummaging around inside me and trying to get something out that seemed like it was really wedged in there!  I found out later that they had to tug so hard because the cord was wrapped around the baby’s stomach so she was difficult to get out (which was also why they couldn’t turn her before). 

Finally, after what seemed like ages, I remember hearing what sounded like cheers from the nurses, and a few seconds later, hearing a cry.  I remember asking, “what is it?!?!?!” since we hadn’t found out if the baby was a boy or girl. Not realizing we hadn’t found out the gender, one of the doctors sarcastically said, “It’s a boy,” but then the nurses chimed in, “NO!  It’s a girl!!!!”  I was shocked because during my pregnancy, everyone had been convinced I was having a boy.  I remember asking several times, “It’s a girl?!?” And, I must say, I was surprised by how thrilled and satisfied I was that I now had a daughter. 

Now, you would think that after all that, the hard part was behind me.  But may labor was nothing compared to the almost 4 brutal hours I had to wait from the time my baby was delivered until the time I finally got to see and hold her. The doctors held her up for me very quickly after she was delivered (I’m talking seconds), but then because of her heart issues, they quickly took her to a transitional nursery.  For what seemed like hours, but was really only about 10-20 minutes, my husband and I kept asking if she was OK.  And, no one knew.  The not knowing was agonizing, and immensely worse than any of the pains of childbirth.

Finally, they said my husband could go to see Lucy while they finished closing me up.  During this time, I had never felt more alone or scared in my life.  Less importantly, but still memorably, I also was FREEZING and so thirsty that I almost couldn’t breath.  I was told a lot of people get extremely cold and shaky in the OR as I was, but they weren’t sure why I was so thirsty.  I had to beg them to bring in some water or ice chips or something because I really felt like I was choking (apparently they aren’t supposed to bring water into the OR).  They finally brought in some gauze that was dipped in water for me to suck on which sounds gross, but was heavenly, and although my thirst was quenched, I still ached to know how my daughter was doing.

They began to wheel me back to recovery room, and I saw my husband in the hallway, grinning.  He had been with Lucy in the nursery and told me that they were still monitoring her, but she seemed to be doing really well!! Her heart seemed to be OK and she didn't have any blood sugar issues, which can be common in children of Type I moms.  I was so relieved, but still wanted to see her myself.  Because of the c-section and the anesthesia, I wasn’t able to get up or walk to go see Lucy, so I had to wait.  And wait.  And wait.  The nurse kept saying they would bring her to me, but they never did, so thankfully, my nurse finally took the bull by the horns and wheeled me in to the nursery.

And then the world stopped, and I got to hold my daughter.  My perfect little Lucy Jane!

Will finish the rest of the hospital stay on my next post! 

Happy Mother's Day!

I know it's been a ridiculously long time since I've written, but things have been hectic with Miss Lucy!  I just wanted to wish all my fellow d-moms and d-moms-to-be a very happy Mother's Day!  I've promised myself that I'll be writing Lucy's birth story this week so I hope to post it soon...

We're doing well - Lucy is learning how to exist in her brand new world and I too am learning how to exist in my brand new world.  More to come soon!

It's a girl!

I am thrilled to announce that our daughter, Lucy Jane, was born on Saturday, March 12th at 6:09pm.  She weighed 7 pounds, 15 ounces and was 20.7 inches long.  She is doing great and we are in heaven.

I will post her birth story when I have some more time, but just wanted to post a quick update and a couple of pictures.  The doctors did not have to do anything for her heart immediately, they will just continue to monitor it for now and she had no blood sugar issues when she was born, so we're thrilled to have such a healthy daughter!

We're enjoying every minute and can't believe she's finally here!

The C-Word

 Written on Feb 23rd...

Cancer.  It’s a scary word, especially when you’re being told you have it at almost 38 weeks pregnant.  That word has been echoing through my head for about 24 hours now, and the fear it instills hasn’t quite lost its bite yet.  Granted, it’s only skin cancer, and is easily treatable, but I wasn’t at all prepared to hear that word so soon in my life.

This all started back in January when I went to my dermatologist for my 6-month mole check up.  I’m very fair skinned, so I am always having spots removed, but none have been cancerous before.  There was one spot that was worrying me, and I pointed it out to my doc at the beginning of my appointment.  She said she wanted to look at it again in a few weeks, and in the meantime we checked with my OBGYN to make sure it would be OK to remove it if that was necessary.  We got the go, and when my dermatologist looked at the spot again, she decided to remove it.  That was last week.  I went on my way, forgetting about it really with everything else we have going on, and didn’t think about it much.

Then yesterday, I received a call from my dermatologist who told me that I have a malignant melanoma. I was shocked.  I gasped to swallow the sobs that were building up and I tried to process what she was telling me.  The bad news is that melanoma is the “bad” skin cancer that spreads rapidly, but the good news, or I should say the GREAT news, is that I get checked every 6 months, so mine was caught early enough that it hasn’t spread yet, and it will be easily taken care of with a minor procedure.

I just can’t help but think what would have happened if I skipped that appointment like I wanted to.  In the short 6 months since my last appointment, this cancer grew fairly quickly, so I can’t imagine if I had waited to go back until the next 6 month cycle.  Would I have been diagnosed with a later stage cancer and told I only had a year or so to live with my brand new baby and husband?  I just can’t comprehend that scenario, and I’m now a little paranoid that there could be other spots on me that we’ve missed.  It also feels strange to be walking around knowing there is cancer in my body.  I just want them to cut it out as soon as possible, which hopefully they’ll be doing next week.

Luckily, this won’t impact the baby at all.  The only real concern right now is that if I go into labor right after they do the surgery, I could rip out my stitches, but that’s not the end of the world.  So, for now, we’re just hoping the baby stays put long enough to get this taken care of before he or she arrives.  I’m probably the only woman who is 37.5 weeks pregnant and hoping the baby stays put!

I sincerely hope this is the last bit of excitement we have until the baby gets here.  I know things could be worse, but I’ve had enough of dealing with medical surprises for now—no matter how serious.

Update: I had the surgery to remove the spot this past Friday and still no baby so I’m so glad this is behind me!  Stitches will come out on Thursday (depending on when baby comes since I'm due THIS Sunday!!).  Now, I’m officially just sitting here waiting for Baby B to arrive!  Will update on the pregnancy soon, but overall, besides this little blip, I’m feeling wonderful.

home stretch!

Well, it’s been a few weeks since a real update on my pregnancy – I can’t believe how fast the time is going. Since the past few weeks have been hectic with my dad’s bypass surgery (a whole other topic, but he’s doing OK), a very hectic work schedule, my birthday, and being sick, I haven’ had much time to stop and update the blog.

So, here’s where we are. I just had my 36 week check up and all is looking just fine and dandy. I’m not showing any signs of delivering early, so my doc thinks she may have to induce me on March 15th, the latest they’ll let me go. But, she also said things can change between now and then and that I still could go naturally, which is what I’m hoping for. The nurse from my childbirth class said to do lots of squatting and walking to help get things going in the right direction, so I need to do more of that!

My blood sugar has been manageable. Very few lows and the high spikes are getting easier to anticipate and control. Of course, a lot of that is because I just take a ridiculous amount of insulin now, but whatever it takes is fine with me. I’m making my CDE crazy because I am not really logging very much. I am still testing a ton, but things have just been way too hectic to log everything, so she’s getting frustrated with me, but only because she can’t help me very much if she has nothing to go on. Luckily, my numbers are pretty good, so she’s not too concerned.

My blood pressure and weight continue to be really good, so I don’t think I’ll have to deal at all with preeclampsia like I worried I might a few months back. I am extremely relieved about this. I’ve actually only gained about 12 pounds total so far, but a lot of that is because I was so sick in the beginning and since I was somewhat overweight to begin with, they didn’t want/need me to gain a lot. It’s all right in my belly too, so I’m definitely looking the part of very pregnant woman!

My only real complaint these days is fairly strong pain when I walk, which I’m told is round ligament pain. I took a little spill in my office last week, and my doctor thinks I aggravated the ligaments which is making walking pretty painful. She suggested I get a maternity belt, so I’ll add one more hideous pregnancy accessory to the wardrobe for the next few weeks, but hopefully it will help. If that’s the only thing wrong at this point, I’ll take it!

I’m still sleeping well and hope that continues! Can’t believe we’re in the home stretch now!

Sweet Child of Mine,

I can’t believe how close we’re getting to your arrival (only 5.5 more weeks)! Your dad and I are so excited to meet you, we can hardly stand it. We’re getting our apartment ready for you – we have so many friends and family who can’t wait to welcome you to the world who have all helped us to get everything we need for your first few months in the world. You have a crib, a changing table, a stroller, toys, books, activities and lots of clothes too, all just waiting for you. But, most importantly, you have so many people who love you already and who can’t wait to meet you. Know that you are lucky to have such a strong and loving community of people who are all eagerly awaiting your arrival, and never forget that these people are there for you not only now as you enter the world, but also as you grow and may need people besides just your parents to turn to.
While I would be lying if I didn’t say that there were times over the past eight months or so that were terrifying, we’ve also had so much fun with you as you’ve grown—from telling all our loved ones about you, to hearing your heartbeat for the first time, to feeling you move to trying to guess whether you’ll be a little girl or little boy.

There are times that your dad and I can hardly believe that we’re going to be your parents—that we’ll be responsible for making sure you grow up to be healthy and strong, happy, and well taken care of. It’s hard to fathom that we’ll be in charge of shaping your future, trying to balance who we want you to become with who you already are. Just know, sweet child of mine, that mostly we just want you to be you, because whoever you are, we already love you. You already have a personality, a tendency towards the exciting and dramatic. You burst into our lives so quickly, and have been keeping us on our toes ever since. I fully expect that to continue throughout your life, and we can’t wait to see what you have in store for us in the years to come.

I know the first few days and weeks of your life will be a little scary at times for both of us, but as I asked you to be when I first found out about you, I’m going to ask you again to be strong. I already know you’re a fighter, so I know you’ll be tough as our doctors work hard to make sure your heart is working after you’re born. Like Mommy, you’ll have to learn to be a good patient because you’ll be going to lots of doctors, but I hope you’ll see that they are there to help and to make sure you can grow up to be strong and playful. I hope you know that even if something is wrong with your little heart, the doctors know exactly how to fix it, and they’ll take such good care of you! And, your dad and I will be there every step of the way to so you’ll never go through any of this alone.

You’ve already been such a joy in my life. Even during the scary times, just rubbing my belly and knowing that you’re in there can bring me absolute peace. While we can’t wait to meet you, take your time in there and grow to be as strong as you can.  I can't wait to see your little face, and to hold your little hands!

With all my love,
Mommy

PS - Don’t worry if your dad and I are crying when you first see us, they will be the happiest tears of our lives. :)

General update - feeling good!

Well, last week was an eventful week with doctors, and this week will be too, but first I wanted to give an overall update on how I’m feeling at week 33! In short, I feel great. I’m not overly tired or sore or miserable in many of the ways I’ve heard other women can be at this point in their pregnancies. I am a bit uncomfortable at times as my belly gets bigger, and Baby B is starting to give me some good hard kicks that make me jump, but overall, I’m thankful that I’m feeling really good.

My appointments last week went like this—first the fetal cardiologist, then the CDE, then my OB. Here’s a quick summary of them all:

Fetal cardiologist:
Baby B’s heart looked about the same as it did last time. She said the bigger the baby gets, the harder it is actually to see on the echo cardiogram, so she didn’t get a great look, but felt confident that the valve in question isn’t any worse than it was two weeks ago. She said she’d be surprised if the baby needed to have the balloon procedure done in the hospital in the days after delivery and that it is more likely to be done in the months after delivery, if at all. I took this all as good news!

CDE:
My CDE took my A1C and also went over my eating and pump rates. My A1C was 6.0, which she was happy about because they’ve wanted me a little higher than I was before since I was going low a lot. I wasn’t thrilled with this (I was getting used to seeing those 5’s), but if they are happy, I guess I am too. I’m taking A LOT more insulin now than I was in the beginning of my pregnancy and while this is to be expected, my CDE suggested trying to eat less carb-heavy foods so I won’t require such mammoth doses of insulin—so, goodbye bagels and potatoes, don’t worry, I’ll be back soon!

OB:
Everything went great at the OB. I had an US and they checked all the usual suspects—the baby’s movement, position (head down still!), fluids, etc. Everything looked good and I was happy to have an uneventful appointment. Next time we’ll discuss the details of my delivery plans, but my OB did say that she has no problem with me leaving my pump on during delivery, which I was very happy about.

So, all in all, everything is going well, despite the baby’s little heart issue. In terms of the bigger heart issue (my dad’s heart), we found out last week that he will need bypass surgery, which sounded very scary at first, but is actually pretty routine. I’m just hoping they can do it soon so I can be there. If they do it too late, I won’t be able to travel to Philly to be there, so we’ll just have to see.

Tomorrow we’re off to the children’s hospital where I’ll deliver to meet with the folks in the cath lab who would perform the balloon procedure if it becomes necessary and we’ll also meet with a genetic counselor. I’m still not really sure what the genetic counselor has to offer at this point, but I go where I’m told these days. They’ll also take us by the NICU just so we can see it in case Baby B ends up there for whatever reason. Finally, I’ll have my weekly US so they can peek in on the baby to make sure all is OK in there.

While this all seems like a lot and maybe overkill, I’m so thankful that I’m part of a medical team and system that is so prepared and willing to spend a lot of time with us in preparation of all the what ifs.

So, hopefully I’ll keep feeling well, and we’ll sail on through this week without any major issues popping up!

What a week

Well, I’ve had some time to digest the news about Baby B’s heart issue, and I’m feeling much better about it this week. I know that we have great doctors, and that even if we do need a procedure to fix the problem, it’s very routine and simple. I still worry that something else could pop up now, either related or unrelated, but I don’t feel the uncontrollable need to cry or inability to shake the worry anymore. It’s amazing what a little time can do to make you step back and get some clarity.

As far as my diabetes has been, it’s been a roller coaster. I literally sometimes will just give myself what seem like totally random and unwarranted amounts of insulin just to keep myself in a good range. While this has been working the past week or so, I need to get better about logging again so I can reset my basal rates and insulin to carb ratios so that I’m not just taking shots in the dark about how much insulin to give myself.

This coming week is a big week for me and my growing family. We go back this week for another fetal echocardiogram where we hope to get a little more information from our cardiologist and will have a chance to get some of the questions we’ve come up with over the past two weeks answered. I also go to see my CDE, who will do an A1C, and I’m very nervous about that because I feel like I’ve been high a lot more than I like to be over the past couple of weeks until I started randomly doling out insulin. I also go back to my OB for a regular check up and ultrasound, so there is a lot on my plate this week—not to mention the fact that I’m still attempting to at least pretend that I’m being somewhat productive at my full time job.

On top of all that, a new stress has been added to the mix. My dad, who has Type 2 diabetes, has recently started to suffer from various complications mainly due to the fact that he has ignored his diabetes for the last 15 years or so. I wrote about this recently on the ACT1 blog. Most recently and very ironically, we’ve learned that my dad now also has an issue with his heart. He will be going in tomorrow hopefully for a simple procedure that is similar to the one that Baby B may need if necessary, but if they get in there and the damage is too bad, they will need to do bypass surgery at a later date.

So, I’m trying to stay as composed as I can through all of this, both for my own sake, and the baby’s. I know stress isn’t good for the baby, and certainly not good for my blood sugar either, so I’ve been working hard to just be rational and as calm as possible about all of this. I also know there isn’t a blessed thing I can do to control any of this, so at this point, I feel like I’m just a player in one big waiting game.

I hope my next post will be full of updates of good news and bright outlooks for Baby B and for my dad. In the meantime, I’ll just keep working to control the only thing I can even try to control, and that is my diabetes.

Broken Hearted

I’ve learned in the past few days what a helpless feeling it is to know that no matter how much you want to, you can’t always protect your children from bad things that may happen.  I’ve worked so hard on my blood sugar leading up to and during my pregnancy, but in the daily flow of testing, taking insulin and counting carbs, I got lulled into thinking that diabetes was the only thing that could negatively affect my child.  But, when I went for my second echo cardiogram late last week, seemingly out of no where and apparently unrelated to my diabetes, they found an abnormality with the baby’s heart—something called Pulmonary Valve Stenosis.  Basically, one of the valves in the baby’s heart is not working properly, keeping the blood from flowing the way it should.

When the cardiologist first explained what was going on, I felt waves of panic, which I tried to fight with reason.  The words that the doctor was using—valve, stenosis, valvuloplasty—confused and crippled me.  I tried to get my thoughts straight, knowing that I needed to ask questions that would help me make sense of the situation. 

It sounded so serious when the doctor was first telling me what was going on, but as I kept asking her to stop using medical terms and to explain what this meant in layman’s terms, I came to understand that luckily, this particular abnormality is fairly easy to fix should a fix be needed. They may need to do a relatively minor procedure called a percutaneous balloon pulmonary dilation, or valvuloplasty, on the baby sometime after delivery to fix the valve and that should be it.  It is also possible that nothing will need to be done, and the baby may just need to be monitored by a cardiologist throughout the early years of its life.  In terms of heart problems, this is one of the more mild things that can go wrong, and I know I should be thankful for that.  But, ever since I found out, I’ve felt an overwhelming sense of helplessness and fear.

My shower was this weekend (more to come on that), and while it was so nice to spend time with friends and family and it was a great day, as people kept asking how I was feeling and how the pregnancy was going, it felt like I was getting punched over and over.  I smiled and said that everything was great, not wanting to get into it, but my head was spinning with thoughts of everything that could go wrong from here and I fought several times to hold back tears.  I’m not sure why, but even after talking with all of my doctors and hearing how easy this situation is to handle, I am so upset over this whole thing.  Every time I feel the baby move, I worry that it is straining it’s heart, or every time I get stressed, I worry that I’m putting stress on the baby too.  I’m not sure if it’s the pregnancy hormones or what, but I hope in the coming days I can snap out of this fog. 

So here we sit, both my baby and I, with broken hearts.  I just hope that as I work on healing mine, the baby’s will begin to heal as well.

Living Large

I had my 30 week (ahh!) check up and a growth scan today. We were so excited to see Baby B. because it’s been a while! The ultrasound itself was sort of disappointing. Since it was a growth scan, they zoom in on specific body parts (head, abdomen, leg bones, etc.), so you can’t really see the whole baby which was what we were hoping to see. The tech seemed to be in a big rush and also got the gel stuff all over me, so we weren’t a fan of hers. Then, to top it off, the sonogram she printed out was almost totally black because the printer settings weren’t right. I should have asked for another one, but I was busy trying to clean myself up.

During the scan, she said that the baby was measuring a little big. This was my biggest fear. Apparently the baby is measuring in the 73rd percentile, which my doctor said was nothing to be concerned about now (they start to worry if we get into the 90th percentile range), but it is trending on the high/average side as opposed to just the average/average side and since I've been battling some highs (more on that later), I wasn't happy to hear it. Since I haven’t gained much weight, and my A1C’s have been low, I was disappointed by this, but my doc said that often in Type 1’s they worry about the baby being too small because of damage to the mother’s blood vessels from long term diabetes. Apparently, however, this is not a problem for me—my blood vessels seem to be doing what they’re supposed to be doing. I actually hadn’t heard that before and was left wondering how that tidbit of information had escaped me until now.

During the scan, the baby's head was down—when my husband heard this he got nervous because he thought that meant the baby was in a "ready, set, go!" position, but that is not the case. Hopefully, however, Baby B. will stay head down until delivery. No wonder I’ve been feeling kicks up by my ribs!

Also, my blood pressure was great today, which I was really excited about since I’ve been worried since my last appointment about developing preeclampsia. Phew!

My doc also said we need to start thinking about pediatricians. Luckily, there is an office right in her same building, which we love, so we’re going to start there.

I have my second fetal echo cardiogram scheduled for later this week, and then back to the OB two weeks from today. After that, they want me in once a week at least for an ultrasound to make sure the baby is doing OK. While I know it will be a lot, it will also be reassuring to be able to peek in on the baby that often :)

I hope everyone had a great New Years – I know we can’t wait to see what 2011 brings!

3rd Trimester!

Now that I’m officially in my third trimester, I beginning to really look and feel pregnant. I’m walking around like the stereotypical pregnant woman with her back arched and stomach sticking out, rolling out of bed in the morning instead of sitting up first, and rubbing my belly all the time. I’ve also taken to talking to/singing to Baby B. all the time, and I love feeling the baby move more and more all the time. I sometimes have to pray that the baby won’t kick when I’m on a crowded subway car for fear of the person I’m pushed up against thinking it’s me doing the kicking/pushing.

While it’s all very fun and exciting, I am beginning to feel a bit uncomfortable as my bump gets bigger. I’ve started to feel really uncomfortable for a couple of days, and then I guess when my belly has stretched a bit, I go back to being comfortable. Speaking of stretching, I don’t yet have any real pronounced stretch marks, but I fear their arrival every day. I just don’t see how all this stretching won’t result in marks, but so far, I haven’t put on too much weight too quickly, so I think that is helping. I’m going to try to be really careful about my eating over the holidays, which will be hard, but I think ultimately will be worth it (both for weight gain and for blood sugar control).

My blood sugars are doing OK, not great. I’ve still been running higher than I like sometimes, and then I go overboard with the bolusing and end up low. I’m trying to find the happy medium, and again, better eating will help with this. I’m going through insulin much more quickly now that I’m taking more both for my basal rates and my insulin to carb ratio. I can only imagine how much I’ll be taking by the end of the pregnancy.

We have our next ultra scan scheduled for January 3rd and I really can’t wait for that. They’ll measure the baby’s growth, so I’m a little nervous to see how that goes, but I’m excited to see Baby B. again because it feels like it’s been forever since our last scan in October. The ultrasounds are by far my favorite pregnancy experience. I’m hoping that my higher numbers, even though my A1C is still fairly low, won’t result in the baby being bigger than it should be at this point.

We’re off to California later this week to visit with my in-laws and will be there for a week. I'm worried about the eating situation since we'll be bouncing around to and from various family members' holiday celebrations, but I'll just have to do the best I can.

Preoccupied with Preeclampsia

I went to the OB last week and while everything seems to be progressing OK with Baby B, they did find small amounts of protein in my urine after my 24 urine test (even though when I called the office right after the test the woman on the phone had said everything was fine - arg). My blood pressure was also a little bit higher than it normally is for me and although it’s still in a healthy range because I’ve always had low blood pressure, I was alarmed to see it go up. I’ve heard about Preeclampsia from Kerri, and am concerned what these clues might mean further down the road in the pregnancy. Things have been going SO well, and I’m feeling great, so I’m hoping to keep going like this until as close to the end as possible.

I think more than anything else, this news just reminded me that complications are possible and may even be likely because of the diabetes. This pregnancy has been so uneventful for the past few months, that I think I’ve been lulled into forgetting how complicated things can get. Luckily, as I near my third trimester this coming weekend, we don’t have much longer to go. This weekend we go to Florida for a wedding and then the next week we head to California for a week to see my in-laws. Then, my shower will be in early January and then we really hit the home stretch. I am praying everyday that Baby B is safe in there, and that we’ll both get through the next few months with relative ease.

I’m still battling my blood sugars everyday, which continue to creep up little by little, but with the help of my CDE, we’ve been able to keep them in check pretty well. It seems so crazy that in three short months, this whole pregnancy experience will be a thing of the past!

On an A1C high (not a high A1C)!

I can’t believe it’s been so long since my last post. Things have been busy and only seem to get busier with work, the holidays, and other things that keep popping up! Life has been fun with all of the baby excitement, and I’ve been feeling great.

I went to the endo today and was THRILLED that my A1C is 5.7. Since my numbers have been slowly creeping up, I was worried that my A1C might be above 6, so I was really excited to still be in the 5’s. I was particularly happy about this because I haven’t had a lot of lows, so this means I have a much steadier 5.7 now than I did several months ago. I still put a lot of emphasis on this one little number, and I wish I didn’t, but it makes me so happy to know that Baby B isn’t going to be affected too much by my diabetes.

My endo also said something interesting—that after I give birth, he will want my A1C to be in the 7-7.5 range for the first three months after giving birth. This struck me as odd and I think my mouth almost hit the ground when he said it. He explained that because I plan to breast feed, that can cause a lot of lows, and since I’ll be caring for an infant, he’d rather I be a little higher for a few months than risk another scary low like I had before. I’m not sure how I feel about this, but we’ll see when the time comes.

The last interesting thing that my endo told me about was a study that my very own Naomi Berrie Diabetes Center is participating in called Type 1 Diabetes TrialNet, which is an international network of researchers who are exploring ways to prevent, delay and reverse the progression of type 1 diabetes. Once Baby B turns 1, they’ll check the baby for some kind of antibody to calculate the baby’s risk for developing Type 1. Depending on the risk level, they may have the baby take part in certain preventative treatments. It’s very cool and makes me feel good to know that my child will be able to help scientists learn more about this disease.

In other news, I did my 24 hour urine test, and while it has hugely annoying, wasn’t too big of a deal. Everything seemed fine based on that. Next up is an appointment with my OB, and hopefully another ultrasound soon, it seems like it’s been a while since the last one, and I love those so much!

Fetal echo cardiogram and 22 week checkup

I recently had my first of two fetal echo cardiograms, and also my 22 week checkup (I think most people do this at 20 weeks, but mine just happened to be on 22). The fetal echo cardiogram was a one hour peek at Baby B’s heart via ultrasound to make sure the blood is pumping and everything is functioning correctly. The results are in, and everything looked great, at least as far as they could tell since Baby B again wasn’t very cooperative in being in the right position for a great look (noticing a pattern?). It was a very peaceful test as I got to sit in a dark room with soothing music while the cardiologist looked at the heart on her own monitor. They didn’t have a screen for me to see, so it was an hour of pure relaxation.

I couldn’t get over, however, that the cardiologist (who I assume is pretty smart and well trained), asked me if I take insulin after I told her I have type 1. In disbelief I said yes, and then she asked me if I had been taking insulin before I got pregnant. I couldn’t understand how this medical professional, a cardiologist, no less, didn’t get that as a type 1 diabetic, I need insulin. Those kinds of questions irk me to no end! But, other than that, she was nice and gave me a good report, so besides her obvious ignorance about diabetes, the test went well overall.

I also had my 22 week checkup. They baby’s heart was beating at 155 beats per minute and everything seems like it’s progressing as it should. My weight gain is now right on target since the last checkup, but my OB told me that I should now try to gain ½ a pound a week, which is making me nervous. I’m concerned that I’m going to gain a lot more than that, and I haven’t been doing much to stop that from happening now that I can eat again. So, I really need to start eating better to make sure my weight gain doesn’t accelerate too quickly.

In other news, I sadly need to do a 24 hour urine test, which is basically collecting urine over a 24 hour period of time to make sure the pregnancy isn’t putting too much stress on my kidneys. I was hoping to avoid this one, but no such luck. I am so NOT looking forward to that one, but luckily you can do it on a Sunday. So, I guess two Sundays from now when I do the test I’ll be stuck in the apartment! I am certainly not going out lugging my “collection vessel” around.

Overall, my blood sugar is still trending a little higher than I like, but nothing to be upset about. I’m still increasing my basals to keep up with the higher numbers. I’m feeling great, otherwise, and am enjoying the second trimester.

Also on my list for the next few weeks is registering for gifts. There is so much out there, I hardly know where to begin, so if any of your moms have suggestions, let me know!

D-Blog Day (a day late)

So I’m a day late, but I’m taking part of my first diabetes community post for D-blog Day. D-blog Day was started on November 9th 2005 during Diabetes Awareness Month, to help unite diabetes bloggers and create awareness about diabetes.

This year, the prompt is: what are 6 things you wish people knew about diabetes? So, here are my 6, although I think I ended up writing about what are 6 things I wish people knew about me and my diabetes rather than diabetes in general.  Oh well!:

1. Diabetes is not as easy as it looks. I am one to talk about my diabetes in my everyday life with friends and co-workers as it comes up (a low blood sugar here, a low pump reservoir there), but I am not one to complain about it, or to really discuss how much it takes out of me, both physically and emotionally. I don’t often stop to think about how demanding this disease is, and as a result, I don’t think the others in my life really do either. It’s not just the testing, or the bolusing, or the ordering of supplies, or the carb counting, or the side effects of low and high blood sugars that get to me. It’s the combination of all of it, and the fact that no matter what else is going on in my life, I can’t forget about my diabetes—ever. Diabetes is a constant nagging, and I have a “dia”-log that runs through my head all day, every day: Woke up low this morning, need to grab a juice box before getting in the shower. Need to test again before getting on the subway. Need to grab something for breakfast when I get to work so I don’t bottom out again. Need to test before eating breakfast. Need to count the carbs in my breakfast. Need to bolus for the carbs. Need to test again two hours later. And by then it’s only 9:30am! I sometimes think that because I take fairly good care of myself, people don’t think diabetes is that serious, or that hard to take care of. Even though I am able to be under good control, not a day goes by that I don’t wish for a cure that will take this harassing disease away from me.
2. Diabetes terrifies me. I suppose this is linked to #1, but one thing I really never share is how terrifying the long term effects of diabetes are to me. I myself rarely think of the long term effects, because honestly, I can’t bear to face them. I don’t want to imagine myself without eye site, or kidney function, or even without one of my limbs. Right now I feel like a healthy person, and except for my diabetes, I am pretty healthy, so having to face the fact that diabetes may eventually take a more pronounced toll on my body is scary.
3. There is a difference between Type 1 and Type 2 diabetes. I know this topic has been discussed ad-nauseam on various blogs and sites, but all the time I run into people who just don’t get the different between type 1 and type 2, and it’s irritating. Just the other day, I had a cardiologist ask me, after I told her I am a type 1, whether or not I was taking insulin before I got pregnant. Questions like this make my blood boil, and I wish people, especially those in the medical profession would learn more about the difference between T1 and T2. I often feel embarrassed when I tell people I have diabetes, because I know that more often than not, they think it’s may fault or that I could get rid of it if ate better/exercised more/lost weight. I wish I could tell people I had diabetes without the sense of shame that I sometimes feel.
4. Even though I look OK, I often don’t feel well. From day to day, I look like a healthy person. You wouldn’t know I have diabetes to look at me. But, I am often battling symptoms that no one knows I am dealing with. I will sometimes be high, and feel horrible, but I can’t go home from work or take a break every time I go above 200. Or, I might be low, but demands of the day don’t allow me to take a 15 minute time out like I might want to. Or, I might be exhausted because I was up all night fighting a high or low blood sugar. Most days, at one time or another, I am fighting the symptoms of some kind of blood sugar abnormality, but I don’t/can’t stop my life for it, and I usually don’t even tell those around me what I am dealing with because if I were to complain every time this happened, people would get sick of it real fast!
5. Yes I can eat that—or—yes, I could eat that, but I don’t want to. Telling people I have diabetes is sometimes interpreted as an invitation for people to tell me how to eat. I had a pharmacist once tell me that I CAN NOT have glucose tabs because I’m a diabetic and sugar is bad for me. I’ve also had many people give me a hard time for passing on some of the sweeter treats in life from time to time. People don’t get it. I know what I can/should/shouldn’t eat, and those things aren’t always the same from day to day. I may be OK with eating ice cream one day, but if I don’t feel like wasting the last few units of insulin in my pump another day on something sweet, just let it go, and don’t make me feel like a party pooper because I pass on something from time to time.
6. I don’t care to hear about your mother/grandmother/second cousin who died/had an amputation/is on dialysis from diabetes. Again, when people find out I have diabetes, it’s like they feel compelled to tell me to take care of myself because they know someone who died a horrible death or suffered major complications from diabetes. I am sorry for that person’s struggle, and for the suffering that comes with it, but I really don’t want to hear about that. I know the odds that I’m up against, and it is hard enough living with this disease without being reminded of the doomsday scenarios that are possible.

Officially over the hump!

I'm 21 weeks as of yesterday, which officially means I'm more than half way through this pregnancy.  In some ways, it feels like its been eons since I first saw the word "pregnant" pop up on my digital home pregnancy test, and in other ways, I feel like it just happened this morning.  Although I've been through a lot already during this pregnancy, I still feel that hasn't been as intensive as I thought it would be (yet!). 

Although changes have definitely been taking place in and on my body, I still sometimes don't feel pregnant.  It's hard to explain, but I still feel like me, and sometimes I do forget that I'm growing another human being inside of me. I have, however, become much more relaxed about life in general since getting pregnant, which is the complete opposite of what I thought would happen.  But, nothing in the world seems that important right now, other than my health and the health of my child.

This week I started to put on my very first few pregnancy pounds.  It's taken me a while to put on weight since I lost weight from being so sick the first trimester, but I'm afraid they're going to pile on quickly, so I need to be careful and focus on eating better now that my stomach is (mostly) cooperating again.  I must admit, it's a bit unnerving to look at the scale going up and to think that's a good thing when I've fought my weight for most of my teenage/adult life, but I know that's what is supposed to happen.

I'm still waiting for Baby B to give me a good swift kick, but I do think I am starting to feel the baby rummage around in there.  Sometimes my stomach gets hard, which I've been told are Braxton Hicks contractions, and it's incredible to think that my body is reacting to the other person I'm carrying.  We know that Baby B can hear us now, and I laugh hysterically every time my husband talks to the baby, because he's convinced he needs to scream in order to get through my stomach and into the baby's ears.

In terms of diabetes, my numbers have calmed down a bit since I raised my basals last week.  I'm still seeing some more highs than I like, but it's much better than it was.  I'm already getting nervous for my next A1C in December, but I'm doing the best I can.

On the pregnancy itinerary for this week is a fetal echo cardiogram where they'll get an up and close and personal view of Baby B's heart to make sure everything is in working order.  I'm just excited that it means we'll get to see the baby again!

And most importantly, today is my husband's birthday, so I'm very much looking forward to a great bday dinner with him - his last one as a non-parent!

On the rise

Well, I think my days of picture perfect log books are going out the window. My numbers have been creeping up slightly over the past two weeks or so, but the past two days I feel like I’ve seen more 200’s than I have in the past four months combined. This is very difficult to see, and although I get them down right away, they seem to go right back up. It feels like I’m playing that carnival game where the little mole pops up, then you hit it with the hammer, and another one pops up.

I sent my logs to my diabetes educator today and she’s out of the office, but I’ve raised my basals over the weekend until I can talk to her on Monday. I hate the highs more than anything. I’d much rather be low, which I know is also not good for me, but I feel like it’s better for the baby. Hopefully I can find a happy medium, because this dazed feeling I’ve had yesterday and today is not going to cut it. I hate being high for what it does to me, but it terrifies me to think what effect it’s having on the baby. I know it’s my overall control that matters most, and not the bad day here or there, but it’s just scary to think that what’s going on in my body influences the overall health of my child.

Ok, mini panic attack over. I’ve done what I can to correct it for now, and will keep working on it in the coming weeks. I really enjoyed the calm while it lasted!

It's a...

SURPRISE!!

Luckily, I was able to talk my husband into keeping the baby’s sex a surprise. I know this is hard for him, so I am extremely grateful that he’s going along with my wishes. I don’t know why I feel so strongly that I don’t want to know, but it’s just always something I imagined finding out in the delivery room, and so that’s where we’ll find out.

It is funny how many people feel very strongly that we should be finding out. How will we know what clothes to register for? How will we know what color to paint the nursery (thank you one-bedroom apartment for making that a non-issue)? How will other people be able to buy us the “right” gifts? How will we pick out a name (I’m pretty sure we’ll just pick two instead one). The list of questions goes on and on and yet for some reason, I just don’t want to know.

I completely understand the validity of all these points, and when I have friends or know others who find out the sex of their babies, I genuinely share in their excitement, but it’s just not something I want to get into yet. I want to hear the doctor say whether it’s a boy or girl after the agony of labor. I want my husband to be able to call people from the hospital and say, “It’s a ___!” I want to be able to send birth announcements that announce the gender. I also want to have a gender/due date pool – seriously :)

But mostly, I just want to fully take part in this great surprise with which I’ve been blessed. I know it would be a surprise no matter when we find out, but I want this baby to make its own announcement, rather than an ultrasound tech.

So, as the months wear on and my curiosity grows, I’ll need to come back and read this to remind myself what I want. At my last ultrasound they said I’d have to be careful to tell them at each ultrasound that I don’t want to know since I’ll have so many, especially towards the end. That’s a lot of temptation, but hopefully I’ll make it!

Sweet Child of Ours

With all relatively quiet on the diabetes front of my pregnancy, my mind is happily free to ponder other things. I’ve been so happy lately, finding that this pregnancy has in a strange way made me more relaxed and comfortable in my own body. My co-workers and my close friends think I’m much more calm now that I’m pregnant, and to be honest, I know I am happier and more content in my life.

One of the things that has me so happy lately is how many people are sharing in our joy and excitement about this baby. This is not just my child, and I realize that more and more everyday. I think it’s so sweet when my co-workers call Baby B the “marketing department baby,” and get as excited as I do when I come back from an ultrasound. I love how many of my friends refer to themselves as aunts, and how those in my ACT1 support group always ask how Baby B is doing and tell me that they’re thinking of and praying for us. My mom often tells me that neighbors from my home town ask her all the time how the pregnancy is going, and that teachers and coaches who taught me years ago also stop her to ask how Baby B and I are doing. And of course, the amount of love that my extended family has for this child is sometimes overwhelming.

I do very much believe in the, “it takes a village” approach to raising children, and I am overjoyed that Baby B will have so many villagers welcoming him or her into this world. I feel truly blessed to have so many caring and loving people in my life. Their joy and excitement have made this pregnancy such a fun one so far!

Baby Talk

With only one thing on my mind lately (BABY!), it’s hard to remember that there is life outside of this child. I’m finding it strange sometimes to interact with friends/family/coworkers, because I try to be very conscious of not overdoing it with baby talk, but I often find that others enjoy talking about the baby as much as I do. I’ll try to steer the conversation in a different direction—how is you finace/husband/job/cat—but, inevitably, there have been times when the conversation always seems to come back to the baby. This doesn’t always happen, but sometimes, and it feels like a trap I can’t get out of.

Sometimes when my husband and I come home from being with friends I’ll ask if I talked about the baby too much, and he’ll insist that I barely said anything about it, so who knows (not sure he’s the best judge of character on this one because he LOVES the baby!). But, babies are just plain fun to talk about. I feel very blessed that there are so many people in our life who are genuinely excited for us, and for the baby. It’s funny, because everyone seems to become much nicer when they find out you’re pregnant. I wish I could invent a way to bottle that excited/hopeful/happy feeling that people have when the topic of babies comes up—I think it would be good for the world!